Last Day of 2019: What Actually Matters

What will people do on the last day of the year — or can we call it the last day of the decade?

Some will probably bustling to prepared the New Years Eve party — with friends, families, or loved one(s), some will probably still caught of on deadlines and work, some will probably take a day off to reflect on how this year have been while working on the resolutions of what they wanted to achieve in the next year, some will work on an article on Medium on 15:38 PM while going out for a short strolling over Jakarta and accompanied by a cup of Happy White (a cup of coffee, they called it Happy White).

The latter is me.

As I looked back on 2019, one thing that has been meddling in my mind is: What actually matters? When did we say a year is good or bad, what metrics or standards we are looking and compared to? Is it how much we accomplished? How much money did we make? Is it how many times we are surrounded by happiness? Is it how well we survived the hard times — the battles, the tears, the struggles? Or is it just merely surviving?

I will say it depends. It depends on what really matters to you. If you thought that what really matters is achievements, then some trophies or shout out will suffice. If you thought what really matter is money, then earning more or spending more will suffice.

But right now, for me, what actually matter is having me. After I spent my last day went with the worst date someone can expect from Online Dating (where I thought I almost could possibly get killed), it hit me like a truck that turned out having me, and only having me around is actually more than enough. It felt lonely but more liberating and safe. It is actually more comforting.

I learned from these unexpected experiences, that no matter how “bad” it looks like to be alone and sometimes very lonely, I shall not take it for granted. I believe, in the slightest faith that I had in my self now, I will suffice. To welcome 2020, all I need is myself, and that’s what actually matters. This writing is a reminder that I will not be selling my self short for less than what I deserved. And probably, if you read this you shall not too.

Happy New Year!